Who goes to heaven?

If it exists, I think you're probably going.

Knock knock.

“Who is there?”

“Death!”

And he touches you and now you’re dead.

You’re standing at the pearly gates before Saint Peter, who is me.

Will you get into heaven? Probably. I am a very forgiving bouncer. My celestial border policy is very lax.

Let’s begin. Are you a decent person? Have you tried to do good and has that good outweighed the bad you have…