RE: Easter, I Know Eggs Are Expensive, But So Is Going To Hell

6 egg-centric recipes for people who really do love Jesus.

Every image in this post was made by my robot slave/life-partner ChatGPT. I love you, baby!

Today is Good Friday, the day when we mourn the death of a nice young Jewish man who was viciously murdered by naughty Romans for the crime of having long hair and falling in love with a prostitute. Or was he? Like so many other European initiatives, the attempt to kill Jesus was a failure. They sealed up his body in a cave, but three days later, he came out alive—because you can’t keep a good Jew down! This is the origin of both Christianity and the Italian reputation for shoddy engineering.

I have obviously not read the Bible, but I love Easter, mainly because of the bunny. What does the bunny have to do with Christ’s resurrection? Nothing, as far as I can tell. But who cares? The Easter bunny hiding painted eggs is just fun. More holidays should have random traditions attached to them.

But the good days of painted eggs are over. Now eggs are worth their weight in gold, and only the richest princes of the Gulf can afford to paint eggs willy-nilly and leave them for children to find. Eggs are still near record prices, and almost half of Americans say they will skip painting eggs this year.

There are lots of stories online about how you can have a fun Easter without any eggs—we did it during the Dust Bowl!—but that is just loser talk. Sure, you might be able to save some money skipping eggs this year, but is that extra cash worth eternal damnation? Because that‘s what you’re risking here.

If God didn’t want you to go into debt buying eggs, he wouldn’t have invented credit cards.

But forget painting chicken eggs. That’s passé. Let’s get gaudy.

I have created for you a luxurious five-course progressive brunch menu that highlights our beautiful eggs.

Cocktail: French 75 with Egg White

Mimosas and Bloody Marys are the brunch cocktails of the hoi polloi—leave them to the transients who live down by the train station. We’re going to do a French 75—gin, Champagne, lemon juice, simple syrup—but we’re going to egg it up with chicken egg whites.

This is the perfect cocktail for our decadent Easter—it keeps things effervescent and fresh, with a lasting mousse cap that nods to Easter’s airy joy. It also begins what will become a visual feast: its soft white foam, pale gold bubbles, and bright yellow lemon twist evoke white bunny tails in the pale morning light.

Amuse-bouche: Quail Egg & Caviar Blini

The first food course is the amuse-bouche: a single bite of elegance that starts the meal—a soft-boiled quail egg and caviar blini. (Don’t forget to add a dollop of chive-flecked crème fraîche!)

Pancakes are a common brunch item, but we scratch that itch with their eastern cousin, the blini—a Russian cocktail pancake. In one bite, you get three textures for your tongue—velvety egg, briny caviar, tender blini—and three colors for your eyes—warm yellow yolk, jet-black caviar, hunter-green chive oil—hints of pastel grays and mossy greens in an Easter garden.

Smoked-Salmon Crostini with Soft-Scrambled Duck Eggs & Champagne Hollandaise

For the next dish, we’ll take the common Benedict and sprinkle it with fairy dust, using smoked salmon instead of ham, soft-scrambled duck eggs instead of poached chicken eggs, and adding a touch of Champagne to the hollandaise for a subtle but distinct pop. We put it all on a lightly toasted slice of baguette. The blushed pink of the salmon and the creamy yellow of the hollandaise are a visual nod to the soft florals of spring.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Ben, how can we have Benedict without poached eggs? We need the yolks to run! But here’s the thing: do not hard-scramble the duck eggs. Soft scramble them. That gives them a creamy, custardy texture that works perfectly.

This allows us to save poached eggs for our next dish, the hearty home run: Œufs en Meurette.

Œufs en Meurette on Potato Rösti

Meurette is a red-wine sauce with bacon, onions, shallots, and mushrooms that has an almost purple tone. We’ll use duck eggs instead of chicken eggs, because duck eggs are richer and silkier—when you slice into them, the yolks flood the plate like melted gold. Brunch wouldn’t be brunch without potatoes, so we’ll rest this on a potato rösti that soaks up the luscious yolk and red-wine sauce while still holding its form.

This is our show-stopper. The golden-brown potato cake, ruby-red sauce, and gleaming yolk make for a stunning mid-brunch centerpiece.

Champagne Sabayon with Lemon-Berry Compote

Last but not least, we get the sweet finale: a Champagne sabayon with lemon-berry compote. Perhaps the most colorful dish of all, with its ruby-red berries and mint-leaf greens speckled in sunny yellow lemon curd, it ends brunch on a high, bubbly note.

That’s it! You’re done! You’ve earned another cocktail! In fact, you’ve earned a cocktail worthy of royalty: a ROYAL FIZZ.

Royal Fizz (Whole-Egg Fizz)

Gin, simple, lemon juice, club soda, and one whole chicken egg.

Make someone else make it for you. Honestly, at this point, you will have spent hundreds of dollars and six hours of your life cooking egg dishes for them, and it’s really the least they can do.

Happy Easter :)

Ben

Recipes

French 75 with Egg White

Serves: 6 | Prep: 5 min | Cook: 0 min

Ingredients:

• 6 oz gin

• 4½ oz fresh lemon juice (about 4 lemons)

• 3 oz simple syrup

• 3 oz chicken egg white (about 6 egg whites)

• 12 oz dry Champagne

• Lemon twists & bitters (for garnish)

Method:

1. Dry‑shake: In a cocktail shaker, combine gin, lemon juice, simple syrup, and egg white. Shake without ice for 20 sec.

2. Wet‑shake: Add ice and shake until well chilled (~15 sec).

3. Strain & top: Strain into chilled flutes, dividing evenly. Top each with 2 oz Champagne.

4. Garnish: Float a lemon twist and add a drop or two of bitters on the foam.

Quail Egg & Osētra Caviar Blini

Makes: 24 blinis | Prep: 15 min | Cook: 2 min per batch

Ingredients:

• 24 small buckwheat blinis (store‑bought or homemade)

• 24 quail eggs

• 1 oz Osētra caviar

• ½  cup crème fraîche

• 1 Tbsp finely snipped chives

Method:

1. Soft‑boil eggs: Bring water to a gentle boil with a splash of vinegar. Lower quail eggs and cook 90 sec. Transfer to an ice bath.

2. Peel & halve: Crack shells, peel under running water, and slice eggs in half.

3. Warm blinis: Heat blinis briefly on a griddle or in a pan until lightly toasted.

4. Assemble: Place one egg half yolk‑side up on each blini. Pipe or dollop crème fraîche, top with caviar, and sprinkle chives.

Smoked-Salmon Crostini with Soft-Scrambled Duck Eggs & Champagne Hollandaise

Makes: 6 servings | Prep: 20 min | Cook: 10 min

Ingredients:

• 12 slices baguette, toasted

• 8 oz hot‑smoked salmon

• 4 duck eggs

• 2 Tbsp heavy cream

• 2 Tbsp unsalted butter (for scrambling)

• Champagne Hollandaise:

  • 4 chicken egg yolks

  • 2 Tbsp Champagne

  • 6 Tbsp melted butter

  • Pinch white pepper & salt

Method:

1. Soft scramble: Whisk duck eggs + cream + pinch salt. Melt butter over low heat, add egg mixture, stir constantly until just set. Remove off heat.

2. Make Hollandaise: In a bowl over simmering water, whisk yolks + Champagne until thickened. Slowly stream in butter offheat, whisking until emulsified. Season.

3. Build: Spread a thin layer of hollandaise on each crostini. Top with smoked salmon, add soft scramble, and drizzle more hollandaise.

Œufs en Meurette on Potato Rösti

Serves: 6 | Prep: 30 min | Cook: 90 min (sauce) + 10 min (rösti & eggs)

Ingredients:

• Meurette Sauce:

  • 4 oz bacon lardons

  • 1 cup pearl onions or shallots, sliced

  • 8 oz cremini mushrooms, sliced

  • 1 bottle Burgundy red wine

  • 2 cups beef or chicken stock

  • 2 Tbsp butter

  • 1 bay leaf & 2 sprigs thyme

• Rösti:

  • 2 lbs Yukon Gold potatoes, grated

  • Salt + oil/butter, for frying

• 6 duck eggs

• Chopped parsley (for garnish)

Method:

1. Sauce: In a Dutch oven, cook lardons until crisp. Add onions & mushrooms; sauté until soft. Pour in wine & stock, add herbs; simmer 1½ hrs until reduced & silky.

2. Rösti: Toss potatoes with salt. In a hot skillet with oil, press half into a 7″ cake; cook 6 min per side until golden. Repeat for remaining.

3. Poach eggs: Bring sauce to a gentle simmer; poach eggs 3½ min, remove with slotted spoon.

4. Assemble: Place rösti on plates, ladle sauce around, top with egg, sprinkle parsley.

Champagne Sabayon with Lemon-Berry Compote

Serves: 6 | Prep: 10 min | Cook: 15 min

Ingredients:

• Compote:

  • 2 cups mixed berries

  • Juice + zest of 1 lemon

  • 2 Tbsp sugar

• Sabayon:

  • 6 chicken egg yolks

  • ½ cup sugar

  • 1 cup Champagne

Method:

1. Compote: In a saucepan, simmer berries + lemon juice/zest + sugar 5 min until thickened. Keep warm.

2. Sabayon: Whisk yolks + sugar + Champagne in a bowl over simmering water until tripled in volume (~8 min).

3. Serve: Spoon sabayon into coupes; serve with compote.

Royal Fizz (Whole-Egg Fizz)

Serves: 1 (YOU) | Prep: 2 min

Ingredients:

• 2 oz gin

• 1 oz lemon juice

• 2/3 oz simple syrup

• 1 whole chicken eggs

• club soda

• Mint sprigs (garnish)

Method:

1. Dry‑shake gin, lemon juice, simple syrup, and egg for 30 sec. 2. Add ice, shake until silky. Strain into glass. 3. Top with soda, garnish with mint.